A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." 

 Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."  The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, at least give me the donkey." The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?" Kenny replied, "I'm going to raffle him off." 

 Farmer exclaimed, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"  Kenny replied, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."  A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" 

 Kenny said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made a profit of $998." 

 Farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny replied, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his money back." 

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his
money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more
than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife,
"Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in
the casket with me. Because I wanna take my money to the afterlife with
me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black,
and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to
close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!'
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it
away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that
money in there with that man."
She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I
was gonna put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with the man?"
" I sure did," said the wife. "'I wrote him a check."

Subject: Tips as we age

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop," the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things. When the children are young, that is all that you can afford. When they are in college,
that is all that you can afford. When you are on retirement, that is all that you can afford!

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the
store by your distinctive laughter.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
Be alive while you are alive, don't put out a mailbox on the highway of death and just wait in residence for your mail.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country, but not to guilt country.

10. Tell the people you love, that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.