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Subject: WORDS OF WISDOM
WORDS OF WISDOM
Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out
of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
to buy a replacement.
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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One good turn gets most of the blankets.
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There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.
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Life is sexually transmitted.
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An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
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If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is
the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to
every you say, talk in your sleep.
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What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
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Every morning is the dawn of a new error.....
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A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
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For people who like peace and quiet; a phoneless cord.
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I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
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Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
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Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
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I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
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I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
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Don't be so open-minded that your brains will fall out.
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If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
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Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!"
...till you can find a rock.
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Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
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It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
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Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
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Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
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Parenthood
Motherhood ~ If it was going to be easy, it never
would have started with something called labor!
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Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your
car, and you get about the same results.
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To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives
today.
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The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are
still on your side.
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The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere
and to let the air out of the tires.
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The right temperature in a home is maintained by warm hearts, not by hot
heads.
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Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
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Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.
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The joy of motherhood: the time when all the children are finally in bed.
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Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too
young to borrow the family car.
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Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can
tell when he's really in trouble.
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Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around and
easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.
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A child outgrows your lap, but never outgrows your heart.
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God gave you two ears and one mouth.... so you should listen twice as much
as you talk.
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Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.
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You know the only people in this world who are always sure about the proper
way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
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Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the
driveway during a snowstorm.
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Oh to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small,
and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.
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There are only two things a child will share willingly, communicable
diseases and his mother's age.
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Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they
know all the answers.
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An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small
children.
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No wonder kids are confused today. Half the adults tell them to find
themselves; the other half tell them to get lost.
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Kids really brighten a household; they never turn off any lights
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